


How Far Legs Can Carry

by HootHoot



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Amputation, Angst, Hinata's kinda dumb, Hurt/Comfort, Kageyama was nice and then bad things happened, M/M, Truck-san strikes again, Will they ever be happy idk I specialize in angst, no it's not a kink, well it is but it's not a kink in this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-05-31 23:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6490795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HootHoot/pseuds/HootHoot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At age five, Kageyama was a genius.<br/>At age fourteen, Kageyama was a prodigy.<br/>At age nineteen, Kageyama would have been a volleyball god.<br/>If he had legs, that was.</p><p>“You saved a little girl, Kageyama-kun.” The doctor repeated.<br/>But he couldn’t save his legs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bitter Start

SCREECH!

CRASH!

Pain. Blood. No pain? What. Can’t. Feel. Girl. Safe. Pain. Legs. What? Voices. Pain. Callforhelp. nineoneone. Nothing.

It was very silent. There was no sound of his annoyingly old clock ticking, there was no sound of his mom downstairs cooking curry. It was too silent. The silence pricked him in the most uncomfortable way until Kageyama decided that he couldn’t take it anymore.

The silence woke him up.

When Kageyama woke up, he was at an unfamiliar place that smelled too clean, too clinical, too much like a tragedy. There was a mild discomfort at his back, as if something foreign was there. He frantically looked around, confused, scared, and feeling like something was missing. He let out a pained sob; his body was so numb. His throat was parched. There was something missing. He tried to move his arms. They felt so heavy. He tried to turn his neck. They felt so stiff. He tried to move his legs. They weren’t there.

He let out a strangled wail, and nurses came to his side.

“I can’t move. What’s going on. My legs. I can’t feel them. What.” He choked out the words.

The nurses called the doctor, and one of them approached him carefully.“Kageyama-kun, you’re safe, don’t worry. This is T hospital and everything is... okay. You did something very brave. You saved a little girl from getting hit by a bus. You’re a hero.” The doctor told him, reluctant to tell him about the other aspect of the heroic act.

Kageyama couldn’t care less if he saved a girl or not. There were far more important issues at hand. “My  _ legs _ , what happened to my  _ legs _ ?” Kageyama’s voice started to rise, and his breaths became uneven.

“You saved a little girl, Kageyama-kun.” The doctor repeated.

But he couldn’t save his legs.

Kageyama’s breaths became erratic. His legs. He couldn’t feel them. His legs. He couldn’t feel them. His legs. Oh god oh god where were they. What happened to them. No no no no no no no.

“Callhelp-” Words swam through his ears.

Oh god. His sports scholarship. He was supposed to play volleyball for T university this March.

His legs. Where were they. No he had to have legs. His legs. No. No. No. No. No.

His volleyball career. The dream to be on the national team.

His  _ legs _ . Legs. Gone. No wait. Not possible. But no legs. What. Can’t. His legs.

“Weneedtostabilizehim---” Words.

Kageyama let out a shrill scream.

He tried to move his unmoving arms, his unmoving arms, and his nonexistent legs. Tears streamed down his face as his dry throat let out a scream of a dying animal. In a near distance, he heard the nurses calling for something. Stabilize him? How the fuck will they stabilize the fact that his whole life was gone. His life was gone because of a stupid decision he made to save a stupid girl. Why did he do that. Why. He could have been happy. Who cared about the girl? Not him. He cared about his legs. He blamed the girl, curse the girl. No this was not happening. This couldn’t happen. Impossible. He had to go to college. He had to play volleyball. This could happen to anyone but him.

Something sharp pierced him. His screams died out as he lost consciousness.

* * *

_ At age five, Kageyama was a genius. _

_ At age fourteen, Kageyama was a prodigy. _

_ At age nineteen, Kageyama would have been a volleyball god. _

_ If he had legs, that was. _

* * *

It was all planned out. Kageyama would go to T university and play volleyball. Then, he would go pro, be on the national team, go to the olympics, and maybe he’d be a coach or something after he retired.

He’d maybe meet the love of his life during the games. Maybe they would be a coach or a sports specialist. They would probably be a great duo.

His parents would tell everyone how great Kageyama was, how proud of him they were, and watch all his games.

If he had children, they would play volleyball too. Maybe some of them would be setters, maybe some of them other positions. It didn’t really matter. They’d be happy to play together.

Everything about his life had volleyball as the main factor, and he didn’t think for a single moment that he would be without volleyball.

But all the planning and his future might has well have jumped off a cliff and shot itself in the head because it was all gone. His future was gone and the only thing that was left was the bitter flavor of what could have been.

* * *

With a jolt, Kageyama woke up. It was still dark, maybe around three or four in the morning. The air was filled with comforting silence and he stared up at the ceiling. He let out a shaky breath of relief. Oh thank god this was just a dream. He leaned into his pillow and reached for his cellphone on the bedstand.

His hands met air. There was no bedstand. This was an unfamiliar place. This was the hospital. He couldn’t feel his legs. This wasn’t a dream. This was reality.

But was it reality if he wasn’t ready to accept it?

If a tree fell and no one was around to hear it, did it make a sound?

If his legs were gone and he didn’t accept it, was it not there?

Kageyama’s vision started to blur again. Tears streamed down his face just like it did few hours ago, but this time, the noises that came out of his mouth was completely different. If the noises that came out of Kageyama’s mouth were a cry of an animal that tried to fight death, this time it was a noise of a helpless animal that couldn’t do anything but to accept its fate of death.

Across the room, an irritated voice hissed in the darkness. “Be quiet. Some of us are trying to sleep here.”

Well some of us lost  _ legs _ . Kageyama wanted to scream out. But he simply shut his mouth tightly and tried to make his sobs quieter. When he fell back asleep, he had real nightmares instead of a dose of reality.

* * *

Kageyama walked out of his house with a grumpy pout as usual. He yelled out a non-committal farewell to his mother and proceeded to watch a volleyball match on his phone. He was going to his college orientation and get to see his future teammates practice today. Behind his grumpy outlook was a rare feeling of ecstatic excitement.

Kageyama looked up when he reached the roadway. The signal was flashing, and showed that he had less than 5 seconds to cross the road. He contemplated for a fraction of a second if he would cross the road or not, but decided that he had plenty of time to reach his new school.

He started to look down again, but caught a sight of a something small and bright orange running as the signal started count down dangerously. He looked up again, an uncomfortable feeling crawling up his back. The girl was nearing the side of the road he was at now. Kageyama started to look down again, thinking that the girl was going to be fine. Then he saw a truck. The truck that was heading towards the girl.

Without thinking, he threw his body at the girl, and pushed her aside as the truck--

What did the truck do?

He looked around. Everything was red. It was uncomfortable. He didn’t like this. He decided that he would go away.

But he couldn’t.

Confused, Kageyama looked around to see why he couldn’t go away. He looked down and saw that his legs were replaced with flattened piece of flesh with crushed bones. It didn’t take him long to realize that the red around him was blood, and that the blood was all from him.

Kageyama screamed.

* * *

And he woke up.

And he was still screaming.

“Jesus fucking christ bareback in a public restroom can you shut the fuck up????” A voice interrupted Kageyama’s scream.

“I don’t have  _ legs _ .” Kageyama croaked out.

“Nice to know. I don’t have my right arm. Now shut the fuck up.” The voice replied.

“You don’t understand, I play volleyball.” Kageyama protested. Tears started to fall down his face again.

“You mean you  _ played _ volleyball. And so did I. I used to play volleyball too.” The voice bitterly replied. “So shut the fuck up.”

Kageyama didn’t respond. He just kept on crying because he was different from that man across the room. He was a genius. He was meant to be a national representative. He was destined to win.

“I hate you.” The voice across the room growled.

The air in the room turned uncomfortable. Kageyama and the voice across the room then kept to themselves, not commenting on anything else that the other did.

* * *

Two weeks passed and Kageyama’s life got worse and worse. He found that being a leg amputee meant that he couldn’t do a multitude of things. His… what was left of his legs… were constantly in pain and needed to be massaged every so often by someone else. He couldn’t really move much, and there was an uncomfortable tube behind his back.

And panic attacks. How could anyone forget the panic attacks. His nightmares got worse and worse, and any mention of volleyball, or ball at all, triggered a sick feeling of despair that left him in cold sweat and breathing problems.

He still couldn’t grasp the fact that he had no legs and every morning he woke up thinking of what kind of tosses he will do during practice. He wished he could just stop waking up. At least in his nightmares, he had his legs for a while before he lost them. In reality, he never had legs.

He started physical therapy as well as therapy because his doctor told him that he couldn’t sit around and mope forever. The doctor was wrong. But when he saw the pain in his parent’s eyes, he had to make an effort to seem like he had a reason to start therapy.

Kageyama was a mess and he had no desire to make anything better. His life was over anyway, why should he care?

So when that goddamn kid visited Kageyama, bad things happened.

Kageyama had just gotten back from the psychiatric ward. He had his usual session with his psychiatrist, Dr. Sugawara, and came back feeling like he just wasted his time. He responded, pretended he was getting better, and acted as if he was coming to accept what happened to him. He wasn’t sure if Dr. Sugawara bought his facade, and he frankly didn’t care. Kageyama was lost in thought, or the lack thereof, when there was a knock on the door.

“Um… Helloooo?” Called out a perky voice from the door.

Kageyama didn’t answer. It wasn’t anyone he recognized and he didn’t have anyone but his family to visit him anyway. Maybe it was his annoying roommates visitor. Despite his annoyingness, he did have couple visitors, although his roommate did not appreciate them too much.

“Is Kageyama Tobio here?” The perky voice asked, and peeked his head inside.

Kageyama was surprised to hear his name. He wasn’t sure if he heard his name correctly turned his head slightly to see if it was anyone he might know.

A sea of bright red hair swam in his vision. He couldn’t hear anything anymore.

His eyes widened. That red hair. He saw that red hair before. His legs started to ache as a truck screeched in a near distance. Muted sirens. People screaming. He saw a chaos of the bright red hair and black. It was getting harder to breathe. His body was turning cold. He swore he could feel blood seeping through the covers. He opened his mouth to tell the redhead to  _ get out _ but only screams came out.

Kageyama blacked out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello this is HootHoot (훗훗) and I'm back with more angst. //poses  
> This is multi-chapters tho //poses again  
> Will this have a happy ending or not who knows? HAHAHHAHAHA  
> Kageyama and Hinata are in different schools and different year for this AU btw.  
> All comments/kudos/bookmarks are appreciated. Thank you<3


	2. The Dark Tunnel

When Kageyama woke up again, it was morning. He didn’t exactly remember what happened and he was feeling so disoriented. He couldn’t wait to play volleyball and shake this fe--. He wanted to sleep again.

But when the morning round of nurses saw that he was awake, he was told that he had an early appointment with Dr. Sugawara.

Kageyama stared at the white walls of the room. He comprehended the words, but he was in a different part of his mind where there seemed to be a thin wall blocking him from the message. He let himself stare at the wall for few more minutes before he asked the nurses to help him get ready. Ever since the accident, he hated getting ready. The seemingly trivial things he used to take granted was now impossible with the help of others.

He used to never understand how his teammates were so useless. Now he understood uselessness better than anyone.

After he was situated on a wheelchair, Kageyama was taken to Dr.Sugawara without delay. Kageyama ignored the nurse chattering during the journey. Soon the journey was over and the nurse knocked on Dr. Sugawara’s door for him.

“Come in--” Dr. Sugawara called pleasantly.

Kageyama entered the room and the nurse went back to fulfill his other duties.

When the door closed, Kageyama met Dr. Sugawara’s kind eyes. He hated it. Ever since what happened to him, all kindness seemed like pity to him. Regardless, Dr. Sugawara smiled and beckoned Kageyama to come closer.

“I’m sorry I called you so early Kageyama-kun. I would have loved to call you after breakfast but unfortunately my schedule is quite full for the day.” Dr. Sugawara said apologetically. He got some candy out from his pockets and offered them to Kageyama.

Kageyama shook his head, rejecting both the offer of candy and telling Dr. Sugawara that he didn’t mind that he was called out so early.

Dr. Sugawara retracted his hands and sat down across from Kageyama. “How are you Kageyama-kun? It feels like it’s been a while since we last met, doesn’t it?”

“It was ok.” Kageyama mumbled. He avoided eye contact with Dr. Sugawara and chose to stare at his hands instead.

Dr. Sugawara’s smile never faltered. “I heard you had a visitor yesterday.” He approached carefully.

Kageyama’s blood seemed to run cold as he choked out an answer. “...Yes…” He bit his lip as he remembered the sea of red crushing his legs.

“We just wanted to let you know that he is the brother of the little girl you saved.” Dr. Sugawara said gently, and studied Kageyama’s face for a sign of distress. “We understand that seeing him right now would not be the best thing for you… so we did place a restriction on him and he will not be allowed to visit you for the time being.”

Kageyama felt like he could breathe a little easier.

“However,” Dr. Sugawara added, “His sister is still at the hospital and there is a chance that you will see him around.”

Kageyama bit his lips harder and he started to tremble. Just the thought of seeing the redhead again, the thought of the red hair choking him into oblivion… it made Kageyama afraid.

“He is quite adamant to see you.” Dr. Sugawara continued. “We did try to explain to him that you’re not quite ready to see him, but he insisted that he just wanted to apologize to you. He wasn’t even supposed to come visit you last night.” Dr. Sugawara paused. “Kageyama-kun, we want you to know that we’re going to do whatever we can to make sure that you can make a full recovery in the safest way possible.”

Kageyama stopped himself from telling Dr. Sugawara that he could ever make a full recovery. Doing so would just result in more undesirable counseling sessions that Kageyama didn’t need. So he just simply nodded. He wished that he could just be released. Nothing here could help him recover or make him “better”. There was no “better” for him now. These counseling sessions weren’t helping him. Dr. Sugawara still had legs and he would  _ never _ understand what Kageyama felt like.

Dr. Sugawara stared at Kageyama with solemn eyes. “Kageyama-kun, I understand that you feel like things can’t get better. But I promise you that things can get better and there are still a lot of things you can do with life.”

Kageyama looked up and stared at Dr. Sugawara’s legs. Understood him? Bullshit. Regardless, he nodded, hoping that the false illusion of acceptance would get him back to his room-- no his hospital room-- where he can brood freely.

Kageyama wasn’t sure if Dr. Sugawara really bought his false acceptance but a knock on the door indicated that his session with Dr. Sugawara was over. He felt like he should feel a sense of gladness and relief but he felt nothing. He felt nothing at all.

* * *

Over the course of next few days, Kageyama heard whispers of how the redhead nightmare attempted yet again and again to infiltrate the system to see Kageyama. He almost succeeded once; he got close enough for Kageyama to hear his annoying voice echoing in the hallway, yelling some sort of “THANK YOU. Wait no not you guys-- THANK YOU FOR SAv--” and then promptly getting dragged away.

He was later told that due to the horror (who he later was told was named Hinata Shouyo) was now banned from the hospital unless accompanied by one of the staff on the strict basis of visiting his sister.

Kageyama frowned as he wondered why the hell the girl that he lost his leg for was still in the hospital. He wondered why she was still there so that Hinata Shouyo can still visit the hospital without getting completely banned.

“Why is that girl...” that stole my legs “still in the hospital?” Kageyama asked one of the nurses.

The nurse, assuming with delight that Kageyama was worried about the girl he saved, answered Kageyama with a sickening smile. “Don’t worry Kageyama-kun. Her life was saved because of you. She just has a concussion and couple broken bones that’s preventing her from leaving the hospital for a while.”

Kageyama scowled and looked away. That girl. Once a nuisance, always a nuisance. Kageyama’s deep rooted hatred for the girl worsened.

“He’s not worried about the girl nurse-san~” Sang his annoying neighbor. “He’s too selfish to do that.”

Kageyama stiffened. Ah yes, his other annoyance in his stay at the hospital. His goddamn neighbor. “What would you know.” Kageyama hissed.

The nurse, feeling awkward, said his farewells and just left.

“More than you.” His neighbor replied. “I hear your mutters at night  _ every day _ . How you curse the girl as you go to bed. What a selfish creature you are. You’re like a tyrant. Never caring for others and only looking out for yourself.” His neighbor kept his voice light but the blows were far from light.

Yea, because his whole life was destroyed because of the stupid girl. “What would you know.” Kageyama repeated.

“Because I’ve heard of you Mr. Tyrant. I’ve heard of your antics on court and I can see that all of it is true. In fact, I think it’s worse than the rumors seeing how you’re sulking right now.” His neighbor’s voice got lower and darker. “There are so many people trying to help you get better and all you do is sulk all day long.”

Kageyama covered himself with his blankets and decided to ignore his annoying neighbor.

* * *

The redhead horror was at it  _ again _ . Kageyama grabbed his pillow and buried his head under it. He did not want to hear the horror’s voice vibrating in the hallway asking to see Kageyama just once.

Soon after, the voice eventually died out and got replaced with the daily noise of the hospital. Kageyama sighed and lifted the pillow off his face. He could now go back to sulking and staring at the ceiling, like usual. The books and games that his mother brought was useless collecting dust on the table next to his bed, but he made no attempts to reach for it. He much prefered to wallow in his misery.

Apparently that was too much to ask. As soon as his pillow was off, his annoying neighbor decided to be an asshole.

“You know Kageyama-kun, you should try to cover that miserable face up or at least try to smile. I have a visitor coming and I don’t want him to think that someone died or something.” His annoying neighbor commented.

Kageyama shot daggers at his neighbor and made the effort to frown even more.

“No wonder no one comes to visit  _ you _ . I bet you scared them all away.”

Kageyama’s breath caught, but he said nothing back.

“Oi, don’t say shit like that to your neighbor.” Rang a new voice.

“You came!!!” Sang his annoying neighbor. “But you don’t understanddd~ All that brat does every day is moping like the wooorld has ended and I’m sick and tired of it.”

“I’m sorry on the behalf of his idiot.” The new voice-- the annoying neighbor’s visitor-- told Kageyama.

Kageyama simply placed the pillow back on his head. He hated to admit it, but his annoying neighbor was right. Kinda. Ok yea he was right. No one visited him because all his high school teammates hated him. They accused him of being a tyrant, a selfish asshole. Kageyama liked to think that it was just losers speaking; After all, he did get a volleyball scholarship to T university. For all his past teammates yapped about him, he was successful.

But now that he couldn’t play volleyball, the weights of his past actions came crashing down on him. It wasn’t like he particularly wanted to see any of his teammates, but not having anyone visit bummed him out. He hated that he felt this way, but he was still a social animal.

Kageyama tried to justify that it was good that his teammates didn’t visit him. Them visiting would have reminded him of volleyball. Yes. It was ok. It was completely fine.

He tried to ignore the image of Kindachi and Kunimi eating mcdonalds after practice. He tried to ignore the image of his teammates laughing and chattering with each other after a practice match. He tried to ignore how every single person in the school had someone to eat lunch with except for him.

He was ok.

He is ok.

He wasn’t lonely. He was choosing solitude.

But no matter what he told himself, he couldn’t help but to feel an ache in his heart. For once, Kageyama forgot about the lack of his legs and dwelled on the lack of his friends.

He peeked at his annoying neighbor and caught a glance at the table that was full of gifts from his neighbor’s visitors. Kageyama’s table was empty save for what his parents brought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello this is HootHoot (훗훗).  
> Finals are really keeping me from writing much. I took so long to write this chapter sorry ;;;;  
> That being said, I do still check my tumblr (and stare at things until I have to study again), so if you have any questions or if you want to talk to me, hit me up at http://hoot-hooter.tumblr.com! I also post my art (which is 90% haikyuu....), so check it out ayyy!!  
> All comments/kudos/bookmarks/subscriptions are greatly appreciated!


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